


for you

by bambinaa



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:27:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28505952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambinaa/pseuds/bambinaa
Summary: Following Enbarr, the Blue Lions regroup at the monastery before embarking on the next chapters of their lives. Felix, worried for Dimitri, reflects on their relationship and future.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	for you

As the sun glimmered over the fragmented remains of the monastery, its various inhabitants inspected the fragmented remains of their own lives. The war was over, Edelgard was dead – now what? For five years, more for many, they had had no thoughts past their own survival. Life was strife and violence, grief and sorrow. Now that there was a chance for a future, one where they could truly choose what steps they would take, it almost felt like too much. They were paralyzed. The cold grip of war would not unclench so easily.

Felix reflected on this as he made his way to Dimitri’s room, a characteristic scowl painted on his face. He held two bowls of hearty stew in his hands. While the boar had recently gotten better at eating and bathing and other basic aspects of life, his work following the war had been piling up, threatening to force him back into his old habits. Felix was sympathetic. He understood the monumental task the boar had in front of him, and he understood the pressure the boar was putting on himself, even if he did not agree with it. Of course, he would not say as much. Someone had to make sure the future king did not die of exhaustion or starvation before his coronation, and that someone would inevitably be Felix.

“Boar! Open up. I’ve brought us food.”

Felix heard papers rustle, furniture topple, and something shatter as footsteps approached the door. Typical, Felix thought, not unkindly. He’s unable to do something as simple as open a door without wreaking havoc. The door swung open, revealing Dimitri. His blonde locks were haphazardly tied back, loose strands everywhere. He no longer was wearing his armor, but he looked no less intimidating in his all-black ensemble. His shirt was slightly untied, revealing the edges of numerous scars. His most prominent scar, that covered his left eye, was hidden under his eyepatch. An annoying smile was plastered on his face. Even though Felix could admit the boar looked intimidating, wild beast he was, there was something else. Recently, his cheeks had filled in, his color became more even, his hair fuller. Felix pushed these thoughts from his mind and turned his attention back to admonishing the man in front of him. “You need to eat. I won’t stand you regressing back into your feral state, boar.” He spat that last word out with more malice than intended, as if he was convincing himself of the emotions behind it.

Dimitri remained stupidly smiling. “Of course, Felix. I thank you dearly. I was simply preparing for our return to the capital, but you are correct. I should not neglect necessities such as eating. Please, come in. Although,” he paused, as he turned to look back at the mess he had surely created, “truth be told, my room is not in the best state as of now. Perhaps you would like to dine in the courtyard?”

Felix did not particularly care where they dined, so long as Dimitri ate, so he turned and made his way to the courtyard, not pausing to see if the boar was following. The courtyard was empty – likely, everyone was in their own rooms, tying up matters before parting their separate ways. Though a few pieces of rubble still littered the grounds, they were mostly clean, with a few places to sit even added, likely thanks to the efforts of Annette. Felix sat down on the nearest bench, placed one bowl next to him, and began to shove spoonfuls of stew into his mouth. Dimitri soon arrived and did the same. Their meal passed quietly; while Dimitri had made some attempts at polite conversation (mostly pointing out the various new weeds which had begun to sprout), Felix failed to reciprocate. The focus of this task was getting food in Dimitri’s body, not chit chat. When they both had devoured the contents of the bowls, Felix made to leave, satisfied at having accomplished his goal. Suddenly, Dimitri spoke. “We would sit just like this when we were children. Do you remember? When you came to the capital, we would eat every meal together.”

Felix scoffed. “Stop bringing up the past. You are not that boy.” _I am no longer that boy either_ , he reminded himself.

A slight frown began forming on Dimitri’s mouth, but he quickly corrected it. “My apologies, Felix. I do not mean to make you uncomfortable. It is just– well, I do not know, to be honest. They are just pleasant memories.” He looked down into his empty bowl and smiled, although it did not reach his eyes. “I think right now I am in need of pleasant memories. Felix, will you indulge me and sit with me for a bit? That is, if you are not busy, of course.”

Logically, Felix knew sitting with the boar was the last way he should spend his time. He too was swamped with work, both in his claiming of his role as Duke Fraldarius as well as for Dimitri’s own ascension to the throne, yet he felt oddly compelled to stay. He could not say why. He chose not to respond, simply staying sitting. After a minute, as if waiting to see if Felix would change his mind, Dimitri uttered out a quiet word of thanks.

When the boar had been at his worst, pushing away any offers of help and muttering heavy promises to visions only he could see, Felix had sat by him. In the back row of the pews, he would wait quietly. The boar would pace, speak to imagined specters, occasionally lowering himself, lance in hand, and Felix would simply sit. He had never been an expressive or nurturing man, something that he would occasionally feel regret over. He knew nothing he could say could reach the mad boar. Even when he wanted to try, his own anger would reach out and force him back down. Nevertheless, he had made sure to stay in the desolate, frigid cathedral. It was as if he was afraid the boar, if left alone too long, would slip through his fingers. He had fallen quite far, to be sure, but was still there, no matter how far within himself he may have retreated. Despite his protests to the contrary, Felix remained in the same opinion as his classmates as to the inevitability of Dimitri’s eventual return to some semblance of sanity.

Now, sitting in the courtyard, Felix could not help but feel an odd sense of deja vu. Was Dimitri slipping through his fingers? He had put on his princely mask, fooled even those closest to him, but nothing could get past Felix. For better or worse, the two were connected. They understood each other in a way no one else could.

Felix swallowed down his last remaining bit of pride. “Boar, have you been feeling well recently?” he stammered out.

Dimitri’s eye widened in shock, but he quickly composed himself. “Oh, Felix! Yes, quite well. My shoulder is back to normal. Mercedes truly is a talented healer, is she not?”

“I am not talking about your shoulder, you absolute idiot. I am talking about…” Felix paused, silently cursing himself for his inability to communicate without lacing his words with vitriol. “Do you still see your ghosts?” Blunt, but blunt was good. Felix could do blunt.

Felix expected to see shock in Dimitri’s face, so he was surprised to find a sort of sadness instead. “Is it that obvious?” His voice was quiet and melancholic. There was no anger, a change from his usual rage when he was at his worst.

Felix could not say the same. He could feel his face start to heat, his hands clenching. “Boar! Is your head really that empty? Have you learned absolutely nothing?” The pressure in Felix’s body was rapidly building up, threatening to burst, and he wanted nothing more than to run to the training grounds and destroy a couple of practice dummies. Nothing more than to get away from the boar and that look of total despondency on his face.

“My apologies, Felix. I am aware that my troubles are not a pleasant topic for conversation. It is not my desire to upset you. Please, why don’t we discuss something else?”

Felix was dumbfounded. What? Did Dimitri think he was angry because he answered the question? The question Felix had posed? "No, you fool, we are going to discuss this right now!” Felix paused to take a deep breath. He needed to stay calm. His anger was helping no one. “You need to let someone know if things are getting bad again. You can’t just bottle it up. You did that last time, and we all know how well that turned out!” So much for staying calm. His words had once again crescendoed into a shout, one that he knew Dimitri would use an excuse for more self-hatred. Somehow, Dimitri managed to make his expression even more pitiful, resembling a kicked puppy. Felix couldn’t help but imagine reaching out to comfort him before being shocked by his momentary tenderness. Dimitri thinks you hate him, Felix reminded himself. And if you get closer, you’ll only get hurt. He would have to tread this delicate balance between helping the boar and guarding his own heart.

“I just – I do not want to trouble anyone with my –” Dimitri paused abruptly, lacking his usual poise and formality, before sighing and trying again. “There is quite a bit of work to be done. We must rebuild the Kingdom, the entire continent. The war has taken an overwhelming toll – the last thing anyone should be focused on is me. I will be fine, I assure you.”

“Stupid boar, is it impossible for you to say one intelligent thing? Is there truly no connection between your brain and your mouth?” Felix spat out. “We have to focus on you! You’re the king. Fodlan’s welfare depends on you. You’ll help no one if you’re stark raving mad. So if you start, I don’t know, seeing your dear dead dad or whatever it was that was wrong with you the first time around, you better tell someone!”

Despite Felix now yelling near the top of his lungs, Dimitri’s voice remained quiet. “Everyone has been through so much. I have caused so much pain. It would be unfair of me to continue to rely on others after all the damage I have done.” He stared sadly at the empty bowl he clutched in his hands, but he did not seem to be looking at it. If he had, he would have seen the cracks he caused in the wood. Any more pressure and it would shatter. “I know what I am. A monster. Not worthy of the concern of others.”

At that statement, Felix’s heart sank. How many times had Felix called Dimitri a boar, a monster, not worthy of his friends? In their school days, Felix had wanted nothing more than for Dimitri to acknowledge his violent nature. When Dimitri had finally snapped, when the others had finally seen what he had been seeing all along, Felix felt vindicated. Yet now, Dimitri’s mentioning of this left a bad taste in Felix’s mouth. It was true that Felix had trouble coping with the darkness that lurked within Dimitri. That, along with the pain of losing his beloved brother, was why he had lashed out, why he had been so cruel. He could not admit the boy he had loved could have been the same boy who had killed so ruthlessly, so fervently.

But after almost losing Dimitri so many times, after five long years thinking he was dead, Felix wasn’t sure anymore. No matter what was wrong with Dimitri’s broken psyche, Felix couldn’t bear the idea of him slipping through his fingers. He may have been the beast who slaughtered dozens of foes at a time, but he was also the boy who had consoled Felix whenever he had cried over Glenn’s chindings. The ally who had assured Felix’s safety during the Blue Lions’ battles when Felix had arrogantly gone off on his own. The friend who had stayed loyally by his side despite the anger and the bitterness.

The one whom Felix loved.

And to think about the pain that Felix had so carelessly caused him – well, had it truly been careless? Felix had been hurting over the knowledge of what Dimitri was capable of. If he confronted Dimitri, made him deny all accusations, then he could lie to himself and say everything was alright. But Dimitri never denied them. It may have been foolish, but it had been deliberate nonetheless.

Felix thought carefully over his next words. For the entire conversation, he had been denying his true feelings, pushing them down into the depths of his heart where they were supposed to remain hidden. But, gazing at the forlorn look plastered on Dimitri's face, he knew it was time to reconcile the violent beast with his childhood best friend. Perhaps it would result in him getting hurt, but he was willing to take that risk to ensure Dimitri would stay with him.

“Bo– Dimitri, you need to listen to me. Stop this self-deprecation. If you’re feeling unwell, you should come to me. I don’t view you as any sort of burden.” Felix's voice had remained even as he said this, but as he uttered his last statement, it turned quiet, vulnerable. “And I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

Dimitri did not even attempt to hide his shock this time. “Felix, I–”

“Shut up. Tell me about how you’re feeling first.”

Dimitri paused, looking pensive. He shut his eye before speaking, sounding as if he were in pain. “I do not believe my ghosts will ever leave. For so, so, so painfully long, they were my only companions. They told me the one thing they needed was Edelgard’s head pulled from her soldiers, yet… I cannot help but feel guilt over that. She was still that brown-haired little girl who taught me how to dance, whom I stupidly gave a dagger to.” He stopped to let out a weak chuckle. Felix knew it was disingenuous, a pitiful attempt at downplaying his own struggles. This was solidified by the tone of his next words: while he had sounded pained before, he now seemed downright broken. “Was her death inevitable? Was there truly nothing I could do? And now that I have delivered to them the one thing they needed, at the risk of my own humanity, why will my ghosts not leave me alone?”

Felix could not fathom a response to that. He longed to help Dimitri, truly, but lacked the words needed. He was confident anything he said would only worsen matters. Ultimately, he hoped simply speaking of his troubles would help Dimitri – after all, he shattered all those years ago as a result of years of hiding his true feelings. “Go on,” Felix commanded.

“While I was… indisposed, they were with me constantly. Not a second went by when I did not see their mangled bodies or hear their awful, awful cries. Now, it is different. There are periods when my mind feels better, clear almost. But there remain periods when they are overwhelming, the only thing I can focus on. I know not how I am supposed to function, let alone rule, when I cannot even escape from my own mind.” Tear drops, large and warm, began pouring down Dimitri’s face. “A pathetic excuse for a king has been placed on the people of Fodlan.”

Once again, Dimitri’s negative view of himself bled through, causing Felix’s stomach to turn. “Shut up, please. You’re the noblest, bravest, kindest guy any of us know. Why do you think your Lions stayed with you through everything? Because there’s no one else any of us would rather follow, you fool. You’re the king we need right now.” Felix’s face had become awfully warm. He hoped Dimitri didn’t notice the blotches of red that he knew had begun to appear on his cheeks. “Even if I’ve said cruel things to you in the past, I… I feel the same, you know.”

A smile, small yet genuine, appeared on Dimitri’s face. “Thank you, Felix. Truly. It means a lot to hear that from you. I have always thought the world of you, you know.”

While Felix had trouble accepting that Dimitri could possibly think anything remotely positive about him, he knew now was not the time to rebut him. He only hoped that Dimitri would decipher his veracity. “Just like I think the world of you.”

Dimitri’s smile grew. Felix was struck with how good Dimitri’s smile made him feel. A stupidly beautiful smile on a stupidly beautiful face.

Looking back, the spirit of a demonic beast must have possessed Felix and caused his next action. That was the only logical explanation. The real Felix would never, never have reached over, wiped the tears staining Dimitri’s face, and planted a chaste kiss on his chapped lips.

“Felix!” Felix startled back at the sound of Dimitri’s voice. Dimitri’s eye widened as he reached up gingerly to touch his lips. Felix wanted to dig a hole in the graveyard and bury himself alive, although there was probably no point. His shame would swallow him whole anyways. He was _mortified_. Already, he ruined the relationship he had just begun to fix. _So typical of me_ , Felix cursed at himself. _Why would I do that? Why would someone like Dimitri want to be with someone as putrid as me? I offer him nothing._

“I– I’m so sorry,” he stuttered out, before promptly darting up, knocking his bowl over. As he began to storm away, he heard a clatter before feeling a strong grip on his wrist holding him still. He looked back to see Dimitri, that beautiful smile once again adorning his face. Before Felix could piece together why that fool could possibly be smiling, Dimitri spoke.

“Felix, please do not apologize. I was shocked, certainly, but….but I did not dislike that. I do not know if you harbor any such feelings towards me, and I do not blame you if you do not. But I do. Towards you, that is.”

Dimitri… liked him? When Dimitri had not even let his closest friend into the prison of his own making, Felix assumed it had been because their presumably intense relationship had actually been one-sided. The idea of the ethereal prince liking him back made Felix laugh despite himself. “Of course I harbor such feelings towards you, you big idiot. I’m the one who kissed you.” He paused, his tone sombering. His gaze fell to the bowls, now laying askew on the floor. “I’ve loved you since we were children.”

“As I’ve loved you.”

“I would not be able to live without you.”

One of Dimitri’s hands grabbed Felix’s, the other tilting his chin upwards so that Felix’s gaze met Dimitri’s. “And I, you.”

“I want to help you, but I don’t know how.”

“You help. Everything is quieter when you are around. You are the only thing I want to focus on. Those nights I spent in the cathedral – I do not remember much of them. But I remember you. Your presence was a great comfort to me during what was surely the darkest time of my life. You have always been the light in my life. Always.”

Felix was taken aback. Dimitri had been so far gone back then, Felix hadn’t been sure if he had even been aware of the other presence in the cathedral. The fact that he had actually helped made Felix realize he may not be as worthless to Dimitri as he had previously believed. “If my presence helps you, then I don’t want to ever leave your side.”

Dimitri took a second to reflect. “Then don’t. Stay in Fhirdiad with me. Not as Duke Fraldarius. As my partner. My equal. My love.”

Felix’s past confessions had poured involuntarily from his mouth, yet he felt as if a weight, old and festering, had been lifted from his chest. While he had refused to admit to himself much of what he had just confessed, the second he had spoken, he had known it to be true. He cared about Dimitri, so much so that it had previously torn him apart. Now, the two were being given a second chance. Felix caressed Dimitri’s face. There was nothing but adoration twinkling in Dimitri’s eye. Felix did not think he could ever bear to be torn asunder from this.

So he wouldn’t.

“Of course I will. Someone has to watch over you. Make sure you don’t break too many lances.” Felix knew there would be much else he’d have to do for Dimitri. Make sure he ate. Make sure he didn’t hurt himself. Make sure he never again submitted to the demands of the dead. It would not be easy. Felix knew this. He simply did not care. He would take on the burdens of the entire continent to protect his king. His love.

For Dimitri, it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> this is like literally my first fic ever lol i hope that wasn't super obvious :D
> 
> fun fact haha i haven't actually finished the bl route...oops...so sorry if there's any plot inconsistencies but i caught dimilix brainrot so bad i had to write about it
> 
> thank you so so so much for reading! comments/kudos are much appreciated <3


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